How Running Works

Running is easy right? One foot in front, well, in front of and off to the right a bit, urr, or left a bit, of the other foot and… OK OK, just accept what I’m trying to say, running is physically relatively straightforward.

Except of course like everything else in life it isn’t. Let me explain by example, you have to imagine that I’m both of the characters below…

Good Gollum Bad Gollum
Good Gollum Bad Gollum

I know, difficult to imagine me as good isn’t it. Anyway, this is how a run goes for me (and I imagine, many other runners)

Before Run…
Good Gollum : “Am looking forward to my run, am going to run 8 miles today, am being positive as I know that will help”
Bad Gollum : “Haha who the hell are you kidding, you could be eating pringles and stroking poniez, just skip the run, it’s cloudy anyway and it might rain”

Mile 1…
Bad Gollum : “Jesus Holy Christ this is awful my legs are actually going to snap off, what the hell is wrong with my shins? They feel like pieces of wood”

Mile 2…
Bad Gollum : “I actually hope I die to make the pain stop, I’ll never do 8 miles, what was I thinking? I’ll do more miles tomorrow instead, I think 4 miles is the maximum I could ever do, in fact tomorrow I’m just going to eat cake”

Mile 3…
Bad Gollum : Halp, I die now, please for the love of god set fire to me and throw me into a ditch, why am I even bothering, I can’t even do 3 miles let alone 26, what idiot had this crazy idea? Me? I hate myself”

Mile 4…
Good Gollum : “Right OK so I should be stopping at this mile but I’m just going to run up that horrible hill for a tiny bit, OK that didn’t kill me I’ll go just a bit further because then I can go faster on the downhill part, maybe just a bit further, wow I’m at the top!”
Bad Gollum : “Oh god, I’m beginning to enjoy it, and now I’m at the turning around point so it’s hard to be negative as it’s homeward bound, let’s hope a car hits me so I can have a nice rest in a ditch”

Mile 5…
Good Gollum : “Weeeeeeee I’m zooming down the hilllllllll look at my speeeeeed”
Bad Gollum : “Jesus he’s enjoying himself”

Mile 6…
Good Gollum : “This isn’t so bad now, I might try speeding up a bit!”

Mile 7…
Good Gollum : “Woohoo I’ve caught up all the lost time from my early slow pace and my speed is great now”

Mile 8…
Good Gollum : “Last mile now I can give it a final sprint, nothing hurts and I did 8 miles I’m so proudddddd”

See, basically the start of every single run is horrible, then it gets worse, then you begin to realise that you might as well push on for that extra half mile and turn around, then you forget the pain and look at the scenery and time begins to speed up, then it’s just a matter of making it home!

So the conclusion seems to be that I ought to run for 4 miles before I start the marathon in November, then the other t w e n t y s i x will be like a walk/run in the park. Sob, now I have to run 30miles.

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