When you’re sat in a restaurant, and two members of staff bring over a little table to put next to you, and then put a big bowl on the table and some tabasco and worcester sauce… it’s quite apparent that something is up, right? And it’s not going to go well…

Well, that happened to me last night. My first thought was *jesus christ what the hell did I accidently order? A nasal evacuation into a bowl using tabasco!?!?!?*. But then, when a chef came over to my table with part of a cow and asks would I like it medium or spicy, I realised that the cause of all of this trouble was, as ever, me.

Yes, I’d ordered Steak Tartare. Now, I’ve had it before, but not like this, he made it in front of me! So cool! It took him bloody ages with the egg beating and the mixing and the, well, the other stuff he did. Then the pièce de résistance (I just had to lapse into French then cos he was French and it just seemed right) was when he took the fork and made a sweet little grid line over my *bloody massive lump of raw cow I had to eat*. It made it look, well, like it had just been run over by a car. However it all tasted fantastic, so so nice. And only bettered by the hugggge Chateaubriand for the main course. Mmmmm cow.

All of this was at Le Pont de la Tour restaurant in London. It was a great meal, if I had to find any faults there was a little too much noise coming through from the bistro and the shock of seeing a £1200 *Australian* wine on the 80+ page wine menu/book, but overall it was gorgeous. Moooo.