Tag Archives: running

Bits are dropping off

Zombie Kitteh

Yes, It’s official, I’m turning into a zombie. I must be as parts of my body are dropping off. Admittedly it’s not a major limb, but one of my toe nails is about to drop off which completely contradicts my earlier statement of how well my feet are holding out. However… the stat that I’ve run over half a million steps in the last 8months kind of predicts things like this!

On a much more positive note, today I ran the fastest run ever… I did a 5.6mile run at an average speed of 7.50mins a mile! I’ve never got below an average of 8.10 a mile so I’m seriously proud. What did you achieve today to make me proud?

Apologies for the scary kitteh, it’s not blood, he just killed a jam tart to death.

More advice about how to be an idiot…


I remember reading that if you are running with a time goal, you need to train at that time goal. If your goal is 9min miles there is apparently no point in running long distance runs at 10min miles when training… on race day there is no way you can “magic” that extra 1min/mile from somewhere.

Depressing eh! Adding on all those extra miles is no good if they’re not quick enough.

Of course, I don’t have a time goal, nooo, not me guv, promise. Actually, I’ve got three time goals! And I’ll narrow that down to just one based on my results in November (-:

I have two big aims at the moment though, I need to calm down and start planning each run better. One of the reasons is that you should only ever increase your weekly distances by 10% a week. Well, the week before last I ran 25miles and last week I ran 32!!! Ooops, increasing my chances of injury there. The other reason is that I don’t sleep the night before my big run and when I get ready for it I tend to charge around madly and then just shoot off out the door without any idea what I’m doing (and often I’m still nekkid).

For example this Sunday I had a private goal to run a half marathon in under two hours. But I also wanted to be back by 9:30am (yes, in the morning) so I could go to the Goodwood Supercar day. And also it was due to rain for the rest of the day and my nipples have only just grown back. So, this meant getting up at 7am, urgh, which meant no sleep, no planning, I forgot my energy gels, I didn’t know which route I was going and I started off at a sprint.

I’m a damned fool yes.

Anyway, the result was good 1hr 59mins and 34seconds woohoo! Maybe I need to try some yoga or something to calm down. Or drugs, they sound easier.

Cute Ass ?

Cute Ass

Ran my first half marathon distance today! Took me 2:03:34 to run 13.1miles and that’s not so bad as it was a pretty crappy run really. I think my speed must be very psychologicaly determined, as soon as I slow down (or start slowly) then no matter how positive I try to be the rest of the run will be painful and slow. One of the only things that speeds me up is if I find a downward hill which gives me a kick start that lasts at least a mile! I need you to release a swarm of bees to chase me. Or maybe an ice-cream van that I can chase.

On better news, I have restored my nips and my finger is growing back (oddly it seems to be growing back longer). I tried drawing you a flower on the runway today but, well, let’s just say it was a bit of a disaster. I think seeing me running in circles and loops in the middle of the runway might have caused the dog walkers some raised eyebrows as well.

Elevation Lost : 6ft 3inches


How do I know my elevation changed by that much? Is it my fancy Garmin 405 watch? Nope, it’s the difference in my elevation when I go from fully upright to lying on my back.

Yessss, the day has finally arrived, I fell over during a run. Hoooorayyyyy! At least it didn’t happen in front of the crowds at the 10K race at the weekend eh! Sitting here now stinging quietly to myself I can only think that the worst thing about falling over (trip, lose balance, fall on hands, roll over onto back, cry) is that there is hardly any blood! My arm, hand and leg is scratched and puffy and sore… but just a few trickles of blood! What the hell is the point of falling over like a heroic James Bond if there is no evidence! Bah. Well at least it gave me the chance to use the awesome Durrrrr picture above!

Luckily nobody saw me, but here is the evidence according to Garmin (I did stop my timer for a few minutes whilst I recovered just in case you thought I kept going!)

Garmin Falling Over Image

Send Noah!

Bognor 10k 2009

Eeeeep, today was my first road race since my one and only attempt (which was hellish) 1.5yrs ago where I took 1:04 to run 10K. Today helped me learn a lot about marathon day and what to watch out for.

Basically, I’m going to be a total freaking disaster, simple as that. The reason? Well today was just a local, unimportant, FUN 10K run. It had 1600 runners instead of 40,000, there was no pressure at all and it wasn’t in New York. However, I didn’t sleep a wink the night before, I did no preparation this morning apart from total blind panic, I had no race strategy and I just “legged it”.

Things started badly when I realised I’d only left myself about an hour to get ready instead of 2 months which is what I needed. For starters, I had to pin my race number onto my top. That means I needed safety pins… did I have any? No. Arghghghgh. Paniccc. From then on it kind of got worse! Things culminated into a disaster scenario when I was sat in Bognor in my car whilst the entire contents of the sea emptied themselves onto me. Even Noah would have lost confidence and just started eating the animals if he’d seen such rain. But amazingly 30minutes before the race the rain stopped and blue sky appeared!

I stuck 6 safety pins in my number (and body) and then put all my months of preparation and practice into effect… by legging it and trying to occasionally breath. Terrifyingly, my heart rate in the early stages seems to have hit 204bpm… wtf? I’m hoping that was just a glitch in the sensor because otherwise I’m really going to have to calm down in New York or, you know, “die”.

My entire goal for the rest of the run was “try to catch up with the person in front of me”. It’s a good way to make sure you don’t slow down without realising¬† and very satisfying to pass someone. I’m not sure if giving them the finger and shouting LOSERRRRR at them might have been a bit much, but ha, losers! Things were mainly a blur, I got water at the two water-stops but have you tried drinking and running at the same time? It’s unpossible, so I made the big mistake of just pouring it over my head. Now, I look truly like the creature from the black lagoon when I run, I get slightly “sweaty”, so pouring water on my head was my way of saying “no, no, I’m not sweaty, it’s water, ha, ha, ha”. Of course, I just looked like I’d sprayed myself by trying to have a wee at 8mph, but it made me feel cooler. Unfortunately immediately after getting water we turned onto Bognor seafront and it was WINDY. Shit was it windy! Was like running through treacle. So this made my shirt press against my chest. My wet shirt… and my chest with the nipples on it. Ouchhhhh. I’m sat here now trying to invert my ribcage so nothing touches my sensitive nips!

For the last 3K of the race I simply pegged it, that’s the most technical description I can find. I was pleased to see someone I knew (Ian) who gave me a cheer and that made a big difference up to the finish line. And then I saw my time, god I’m so pleased! 51:38, over 12minutes faster than my previous attempt! And apart from the nipples I feel fine. Of course the jumbo bag of doritos, crumpets, pork pie, pint of milk and 3hour sleep this afternoon did aid my recovery a bit!

Click here for the Garmin summary of the run (and playback of course). I’ll wear my medal with pride! Actually, the medal is truly terrible so I might wear it under my clothes (but away from my nips), but it’s proof… I R A Winner!

Actually, I came 537th. Bstds!

I’m off to the European Parliament!

Running Distance

OK, so I’m not. But I could do if I wanted to. The reason? Well I’ve managed in my training so far to run for 402miles! It’s apparently taken me only 2.8 days. Hmm, that can’t be right can it? I’ve been running for bloody months and yet the overall time seems very short. Well, I guess 68hours is sort of impressive.

In the time I’ve been running the main thing I can remember is worrying about injury. I think in a way it might be holding me back a little. So many people say the mental preparation is easily as important as the physical and I am kind of obsessed about every ache and twinge. Luckily my injuries are moving up my body, first my toes, then ball of foot, now my knees. By the time I’m in New York my largest worry is therefore likely to be my head dropping off. (oh please, pleeeease).

I guess the other big change is both my weight and my body, I’ve lost nearly 1.5stone now (no more!) and I can’t get over how much of me is now muscle. I can’t quite get used to being very toned and having legs and buns and abs of steel. OK, I’m not getting on any magazine covers (Sofa’s Monthly?) but for me it’s a big change!

Am I enjoying it? Well, it’s all about location. Today I ran alongside roads and it’s just no fun at all. When I run along the canal it’s much much nicer. On a good day with swannies and rabbits to look at and a clear sky and no bloody people it can be quite a nice experience. I’m not sounding convincing am I (-:

How do I look? (excuse the terrible preview pictures, click on my photo or the map for a better shot!)

Me on my feet

Stylish moves, I no haz dem

Broadway Cat

I bought a new pair of trainers last week as I’ve had my current pair over a year now and think they might be contributing to my ball pain (ball of foot, now behave). The terrifying thing about going to a proper shop to buy trainers is that they put you on a treadmill and video you in slow motionnnnn. Why terrifying? Well, you assume, logically, that running is running. You lift a foot up, you move it, you put it down somewhere else. That’s what it looks like when you look down at your feets during a run. However, the truth is far from that. In slow motion I’m making some sort of shape describing the mathematical nature of the universe with my leg movements. My left foot lands where my right foot should be, causing my right leg to detour outwards which then causes it to swing back in landing where my left foot should be – and repeat! The shop guy didn’t really have a great deal of advice about how to fix this other than “try to concentrate on your running technique”. But what the hell does that mean, it’s running, you just… run, it’s like walking, but faster and sweatier! I will have to do some googling tonight to try to get some good advice. Who knew moving your legs fast was as complicated as dancing.

Feets & Necks


I talk to myself in my head when I’m not running, so it’s only sensible that I do the same when I’m running, right? Normally it’s “oh god what am I doing this is horrible oooo a swan, hello Mr Swan, have you seen Bert?”. But when I get aches and pains I start with the positive thinking “I Will Not Get Injured!”. It’s worked pretty well so far, but my concern is often explained by the statement… “Well, yes that hurts, but it might be nothing so I’ll keep going” which of course may result in my leg dropping off one day.

So far, until last week, so good. After my almost enjoyable long run on Sunday I managed to really hurt my neck so that it was painful to move my head and then I trod on a piece of glass. Bloody hell! So I missed a run but am back on form (whatever that is) now. My ongoing complaints are… pain under the ball of my left foot which means I can’t bend my toes much, recurring blister on left foot, feeling like I’m going to die between the 10th and 25th minute of my run, and excessive wind caused by my recovery drinks.

p.s. I took the photo partly for foot related sympathy, but also to show that after 5 months training I still can’t touch my toes!?!?!?!? Are they moving further away each week? Are my arms shrinking? No tickling the photo or I’ll twitch.